HOW TO INSTALL A CHEAP HOME SECURITY SYSTEM 1. Go to a secondhand store and buy a pair of men's used work boots, size 14-16. 2. Place them on your front porch, along with a copy of Guns and Ammo and NRA magazines. 3. Put a giant dog dish next to the boots and magazines. 4. Leave a note on your door that reads: "Hey Bubba: Big Mike, Slim, Tiny and I went for more ammo. Back in an hour. Don't mess with the Pit bulls. They attacked the mailman this morning and messed him up pretty bad. I don't think Killer took part in it, but I locked all four of them in the house. Better wait outside”